Saturday, September 3, 2011


And now I know why people blog. With my own windows facing me, no universe opened up through the internet, It seems to have an end.

When I watch videos of myself in the mirror I look more attractive then in the mirror. I like to watch myself because I admire me. I look muscular and flexible. I long to be dainty and light, while excercizing complete muscular control. Like a balerina. But sexier. When I open my back up its like wings escaping and they turn to ropes and hang me up wringing me inside out. There are hundreds of me falling through the fingertips of god and cascading down the palms in fountains of white, limp liquid little bodies, all me, a fountain in the heavens.

I build my own machine. A chair designed only for me. I sit perfectly in myself. I am equally balanced in every way. The strain is level within every muscle. It is flexing and releasing at the same time. I am open to the universe. I am floating in the weight of myself. No one comes for me. I am still. And when they finally come awake to dawn, the frightening glance of my openness strikes cold, but then warms them when they relax to notice the symbiosis of my own design and the most gracious whisper of my last exhale.


When I am clever I wish I had company because my jokes are too much for me alone to bare.

Dear ----,

Thank you for reflecting with me :) You have been the most satisfying subscriber recently. You are dangerously close to letting me belive I can build with you and you too easily let me know you are thinking of me. And that is my favourite thing,

You to want me.

What can you be thinking? I can hear your voice. It does not say, it just laughs. HA HA HA! ------- thinks you are hot, I guess it makes it true. I want to see you naked and touch you again so I can remember it this time. Only the drunkenness of vissions gasp. I can see our sweaty faces and I know it felt good.

How did you get me into the shower? Did I just plan that out? Sometimes I wonder how far a psychic plan can actually go in my own direction. I think you should say no, then grab my ankles and pick my butt off of the bed and stretch my spine out. Can you do that? I chose you cause you seemed fast on your bike and you are sweaty all the time. Does that make me a perv? Is that why you like me too? Lets just ride bikes to the cemetary on acid and fuck.


RIght now, with the flavour and crisp aroma of cinnamon dry on oranges wet, makes me want pan fried peppers and potatoes. AND WHY NOT?

It's 5:26 AM. Saturday, and I don't have any obligations at all. Just myself and my own divine order. I feel like I have more money than I do because I haave been working hard and appreciating myself for it. I deserve.

A massage, everyday.

Coconut Juice, everyday.

to Smell fresh and delicious,

to have people look at me

and to have someone to touch and make feel as good as I do all the time.


You have shown interest . You have exactly what I want. WHY CANT WE DO IT AGAIN? You have magic hands, its exactly like the Heart song, and yes! I can hear myself telling mom what you do to me. OH! You have shown me glances of how sweet it is to know me. Can you scream for me? Can you scream at me? Tell me what to do! Tell me how hot I am! I will do anything for you! I will let you! Come take me! You need freedom, you need to dominate me. I will give you freedom in my own restraint.

So I live in a huge loft. And there are beams. And I have this blue foamy, a huge triangle that I can lay on on the floor. Its called the triangle. And I lay on the triangle and I look up at the beams, I lift my legs up over my head and stretch, my spine opens up and I want it to go farther.

So I built this fantasy.

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